Not-New-Years' Resolutions

Epic music inspires epic resolutions.

Maybe they won't work, maybe they will: it's the same thing as when I make resolutions for myself in the shower. Food always seems to get in the way.
A part of me would like to just accept myself for who I am, but then I have to ask: am I actually who I am at this very moment, or simply a caricature of who I want to be?

For instance, if I were to follow my heart and achieve my absolute self, I would very likely have half-inch gauges, at least seven or eight more piercings in strategic places, and a very detailed tattoo on my back, which would include an inuit art skull (between my shoulders), something of a cross between tribal and flowers from BC and Nunavut, crossing the Aurora Borealis with a night sky...
Wow, that sounds gorgeous. If only I could execute how it appears in my head I'd have something I'd be proud to take on as a back piece, or maybe a sleeve.

I also need to lose weight. For eff's sake, I need to lose weight. I feel so trapped in this body... If I could just take my mind off food and put it onto something else, I might actually manage it and would be able to stop being jealous of my mother. That would be nice.
I need to be more social, or at least more able to talk to people. I want to seek out a gym or at least start doing yoga again. Doing art again.
But what do I do to replace my food trigger? I was told water would help, but part of me thinks that smoking would help more... That would certainly impress my dentist, if I happen to show and have picked up smoking in the TWO DAYS before my visit. HAHA.

I want to be a headbanger, good student, Star Wars nerd, non-drinking, proud-to-be ME for eff's sake. I want to get back to everything that used to be me, but now has been put my the way-side. Before I'm too old and jaded and forget what it's like to appreciate something for it's beauty and not its utility. I want to dance, do yoga, run, and just be athletic in my own way. I want to learn buddhism, french, russian and Japanese, and finish my psychology degree.

I resolve to be me, no-nonsense but non-judgemental. I like to keep things clean, but I can function in a mess. Study, but not always at home. KEEP MUSIC IN MY LIFE. I lost it. I lost the music, and I lost who I was...

So, let's review, and look at this from short term to long term:

Short term goals (by New Years):
- Renew my love for music
- Finish my novel
- PASS ALL MY EXAMS
- Discover art again
- Screw the system. I refuse to be a part of your conformity. Just for one minute, I want to do something.
- Get angry. I am angry. H***, I'm always angry. But I can be calm too. I want to find the place where I can be both.
- NEVER TAKE IT OUT ON MY BOYFRIEND. He is loving, kind, and far too nice for me. He needs a little guidance and a lot of love, and will never be what I take out my anger on again.
- Enjoy Christmas, because after it's over I am DETOXING this b**** of a body.

IN THE NEXT YEAR (By the end of my Third year)
- I will love my body.
- I will fight food. No matter how good cheesecake is, a chocolate bar is, it is no excuse to eat it all/put off a work-out. FOOD DOES NOT OWN ME.
- Work. I am not above working retail, being nice to f***ers who aren't nice to me.
- Discover my inner Sith. I will be F***ING HOT by the time I want to cosplay in April.
- Kickboxing, karate: videos, classes, I don't care. Buy a bag, beat it up every other day, but find a new thing to be my punching bag!

By the END of Next Year
- Find an artist willing to do my back piece, or at least collaborate with me on it. (Prefer Strange City: look into that shit!)
- See a Heavy Metal concert and get in the mosh pit. MAKE SURE I AM F***ING DECKED OUT.
- Be MYSELF. I may know who I am now, but I want to be that person by the end of next year. I am not going to be a goth, a nerd, a head-banger, a preppy, a poser... I want to love me, and I want to show myself that I have a thousand different things that make me who I am.


From here on in, I will endeavor to find one thing a day that makes me who I am. It may not show up on here all the time, but I will make sure it is remembered.

#1: I have awesome taste in music. I have a little bit of everything.