Crazy Face

Dear lost in the past,

I want to keep talking to you. It's nice to hear about your life and all the things that you have been doing since we last spoke. I'm happy for you. It's nice to know that after we split up and stopped talking for so long, you've recovered and become a better person. Better than I could possibly hope to be.

A part of me still loves you. A small part, that fosters caring and hope for a bright future on your behalf. A part of me that fears that if I were to go out of my way to see you again, however, it would only inspire distinct confusion in me. I have not kept a piece of my heart for anyone else quite like I have for you.

I still dream about you, sometimes. Fanciful things that make my heart sing and wake me up with a jolt thinking that any minute now I'll hear you talk again. But I won't.

I wonder why I treated you so badly, and what possessed you to stay with me. I seem to treat all the good things in my life badly, and presently treat the person I have with very little respect. If we had been together, in person, for any prolonged period of time I think you would have had the sense of mind to know I am not worth treating as well as you did.

I hope you can forgive me for abusing your emotions and making you feel like less than a person. I know I am emotionally abusive, and yet still continue to be so. I do not foster an environment conducive to being an individual: I wanted dependence, and I generally get it. You've become your own person, and I admire that in you.

dear person, I hope that by talking to you that you do not think that it would be a good idea to renew affections. I am an emotionally damaging person (and in the past have been a physically damaging one), and am not worth the time of someone who has grown so much as a person. Please disregard me as an interesting human being and keep me on the peripherals of your life, as I ought to be.

No matter how much I offer to love you, do not accept it. My love is worthless, it has no meaning. I make it a game to get my love, and I would rather you not fall into that trap, no matter how much I wish you would. I will respect you more for it in the future.

Know that you are special, and that you only deserve the best, and I dearly hope that you receive it.

Sincerely,

Crazy Face.