So, by the beginning of November, I am beginning to see the detrimental results of a failed foray into the world of volunteering (long story short, I finished the training but was not offered a position. Boo); it feels like it has affected everything, from my grades to my self-esteem.
The first point has been rather depressing. I had set my standards high, and was rewarded with abysmal payoff after losing multiple weekends to training, as well as one night a week. I cannot, now, achieve the marks I had longed for: best case scenario is to salvage what I do have and try my absolute best not to fail.
The second is actually a more promising thing. I no longer blush to death when speaking in front of a group, nor do I experience heart-attack level palpitations. As well, I have made a friend for every class I am in: an accomplishment over last semester, where I walked away with less friends than the year before.
Perhaps I was not the type of person the volunteer program was looking for, but I am becoming the type of person I used to imagine myself as. I am capable of standing up for my beliefs, and know when to be critical and when to be empathetic (there is a difference between this and sympathy: probably the most hard-earned lesson that I got out of training). I feel like my relationship with my boyfriend has improved, even if it is only reflected by the amount of constructive arguments we have instead of the shouting matches we used to have last year.
Altogether, even though I am not as academically ahead as I thought I would be this year, my character has improved greatly.
The tattoo was not in vain, after all.
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